ASSERTIVENESS, Akhil Abraham

Assertiveness is a form of communication in which needs or wishes are stated clearly with respect for oneself and the other person in the interaction. Assertive communication is distinguished from passive communication and aggressive communication. Assertiveness is a particular mode of communication. The term "assertiveness" is defined as;

"a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view."

Assertiveness is a skill taught by many personal development experts and psychotherapists and the subject of many popular self-help books. It is linked to self-esteem and considered an important communication skill.  Assertiveness is a way of relating that can be helpful in relationships, dealing with anger management, and boosting self-esteem. Assertiveness can be taught, though assertiveness is better thought of as a way of being than a technique that one puts into place when one feels like it.  Assertiveness can also be characterized as the golden mean between aggression and passivity. It is one answer to Aristotle's famous about being angry in the right way, at the right time - though it's more like calm anger than hot anger. Assertiveness is in general a desirable way of being - especially when it is defined as being the appropriate non-aggressive, non-passive response. It builds trusting relationships and also fosters respect. It helps builds what Stephen Covey would describe as "win-win agreements" and "win-win thinking".  But it isn't always the right occasion to be assertive.

Assertive behavior includes:

• Starting, changing, or ending conversations
• Sharing feelings, opinions, and experiences with others
• Making requests and asking for favors
• Refusing others' requests if they are too demanding
• Questioning rules or traditions that don't make sense or don't seem fair
• Addressing problems or things that bother you
• Being firm so that your rights are respected
• Expressing positive emotions
• Expressing negative emotions