ASSERTIVENESS, Alex Koonthanam

The philosophy of assertiveness is that all people are entitled to express needs and opinions without feeling guilty or anxious, despite differences in age, gender, social status. Although everyone wisely chooses to be passive in some situations, never asserting one's opinions, complaints or wants often causes people to become angry or apathetic. People who learn to communicate assertively are the most apt to ask for help when needed and to overcome debilitating feelings. Being assertive means stating ideas, wants, or complaints directly and candidly, but without the condescension, outrage, insults, manipulation or public humiliation that usually accompanies aggression.

Aggression is an offensive, belligerent act against others, whereas assertion is a defensive response to protect and promote ourselves positively. It requires listening and responding to the needs of others without neglecting your own interests or compromising your principles. It is about improving your interpersonal skills more effective communication controlling stress through a better handling of problem people and situations.

Assertiveness is about effective communication and this does not just mean choosing the right words to say in a given situation. Tone of voice, intonation, volume, facial expression, gesture and body language and unless all parts of the equation match, you will be sending a garbled message. If you are putting yourself or the other person down in some way your communication style is not assertive. Although there will be times when you choose to be passive or use more aggressive muscle an assertive response is invariably the preferable one and leads to win/win situations where both parties feel good about themselves. Assertiveness can be of immense benefit as a means of self-awareness. People with good assertiveness skills will have enhanced self-awareness, greater confidence and self esteem and honest powerful and effective communication skills. They will have respect for themselves ad for others

Central to all this is positive thinking, assertive people have a positive self-image. They will use positive language, and will look for positive outcome to interactions. They will work with the other person to provide positive solutions to problems by with both sides win. Clear, concise, constructive vocabulary is an all important aspect of assertiveness. The level of assertiveness you are able to generate depends on your state of mind, your self-esteem and confidence. It is important to recognize this negative internal chattering replace it with positive self-talk. We create our own reality, so it's far better if that reality can be optimistic and positive. Assertiveness is the middle ground which takes the best of aggressiveness and the best of nurturing and autonomous behavior. Assertiveness is based on the observation that every individual has "rights" and can act in accordance with these rights.